If you're a new (or old) expatriate, these tips can help you to successfully manage change.
This fall, I will celebrate living in Germany for 9 consecutive years and 11 altogether. Of course, over this time, I've learned more than 10 things, but thought I'd share these with you.
1. Leberwurst doesn't taste as bad as I thought it always would. As long as there are some pickles with it. 2. It is possible to have complete darkness in the bedroom at 2 p.m. thanks to outside shades. 3. Home-made air conditioning is possible and works in a solidly built German home. 4. Swimming naked is really as great as everyone says it is. I really don't like swimming suits anymore. 5. You can learn German. It's a logical language. Well, most of the time. Handschuh = hand shoe. 6. Even when you learn German, there will still be something you don't understand. Always. 7. And if you understand it, it doesn't mean that you can actually remember how to spell it. After 9 years, I almost always speak in German but write very often in English. 8. Just when you want to cross the street on red, the 'Sei ein Vorbild für Kinder' sign stops you in your moral tracks and you wait for green. 9. I may never be able to correctly pronounce ü and u. This, as my last name is Müller, a challenge, especially when spelling my name on the phone. Jamie also proves tricky. 'Wie der Koch, wie der Koch.' = Like the cook, like the cook. What have you learned since living abroad? I often include this in the workshops I deliver:
'I am not here to tell you how to think. But I am asking you to think.' Somewhere along the way, we have forgotten how to listen and think about what is happening around us.
Start thinking. Start asking questions. Question your assumptions about the other. And then shut up and listen to the answer. Communicating effectively across cultures as a team member or a leader takes time and practice. Lots of practice.
In case you need a reminder, here are some helpful tips to improve your communication across cultures. 1) Decide on how formal to be. Consider the other culture’s issues of respect such as terms of address, age, manner of speech, body language, eye contact, dress, and personal space. Too much informality may be interpreted as disrespect. 2) Don’t rush to get down to business. Establish the relationship first. For example, too often US Americans are results oriented without sensitivity to the “people” ingredient. 3) Never assume anything. Observe, listen, and take your cues from others. Provide clear reasons and background information for all requests or changes. The listener may not understand why you need or what you are asking for. 4) Be aware of your verbal communication style. Slow down and use simple words. Avoid colloquialisms or slang, particularly sports analogies. Never shout. 5) Be empathetic. Realize that the other speaker may be having as much difficulty and frustration as you are. 6) Be aware of your own cultural bias. Realize that each person perceives the world through the filters of his or her own cultural glasses, and that your way of seeing things is just that - your way of seeing things. 7) Don’t be quick to judge. Don’t jump to conclusions until you have all the information you need to understand the situation. 100% certainty can be very dangerous! 8) Rephrase, confirm and repeat to ensure understanding. A “yes” may not mean real understanding or agreement as much as being polite. Conversely, don’t pretend to understand when you do not. 9) Be careful with humor. Jokes can be easily misunderstood and can do more harm than good. 10) Be patient. Communicating across cultures takes longer. Plan for more time needed. How have you managed stressful events and transitions in the past?
Everyone has different ways of managing stress. Experiencing discomfort and stress during the cultural adaptation process is a normal part of the process. Taking some time to think about strategies in how you can manage this process now can ease the transition later on. 1. Immersion: What are your interests? What parts of the new culture do you want to explore and immerse yourself into? Language, Art, Architecture, Food, Sports, etc.? 2. Escape: There will come that moment when you’ve had enough of the host culture, the new language, feeling lost and overwhelmed. What are some ways you can manage this and pull out for a bit from the culture to rejuvenate and re-energize? Perhaps a trip away, finding a good book in your native language, seeing a film, going for a walk – anything that provides an emotional and/or physical distance from the culture for a moment. 3. Maintaining: When everything around you appears to be changing, new and different, what will remain the same for you? What is a constant? What are some of your favorite things to do? What about individual and family rituals you would like to continue, regardless of the ‘where’ in your life? What continues regardless of all that has changed? 4. Stress Management: We have all experienced stress at one time or another in our life. How do you manage stress and discomfort? Exercise, talking to friends, writing, yoga, meditation? Keep in mind the ability/availability to practices these stress management techniques in your new host country. We include reflection periods in all of our workshops. Depending on the workshop, this can be up to 2 hours!
Why? Because it makes a difference. It leads to Sticky Learning, one of our main goals in delivering our programs to our clients. In a recent study from the HEC Paris, employees who spent the last 15 minutes of each day of their training writing and reflecting on what they had learned did 23% better in the final training evaluation of what they have learned and what they are able to do: new skills and competencies. Conclusion: Learning by doing is more effective when combined with deliberate and planned reflection, or learning by thinking, the study shows. Accepting the Present Moment
Rumi says it best in the poem, The Guest House. How do you accept the various guests in your own house? The Guest House This being human is a guest house. Every morning a new arrival. A joy, a depression, a meanness, some momentary awareness comes as an unexpected visitor. Welcome and entertain them all! Even if they're a crowd of sorrows, who violently sweep your house empty of its furniture, still, treat each guest honorably. He may be clearing you out for some new delight. The dark thought, the shame, the malice, meet them at the door laughing, and invite them in. Be grateful for whoever comes, because each has been sent as a guide from beyond. ~ Rumi ~ We've included a handful of skills and attitudes necessary for successfully working and managing across cultures.
What would you add? 1. Trust The ability to build trust across cultural barriers is vital, especially when some of the behaviors that we regard as evidence of trustworthiness may be interpreted as signs of unreliability in another environment. (Example: the sharing of confidential information among close associates may be regarded either as a means of building trust or as a sign of un-trustworthiness.) 2. Respect The members of a multicultural group must develop behaviorally encoded forms of respect that are practiced by each participant. (Examples: asking for input from each participant; waiting for others to finish their thoughts.) 3. Listening The challenge for managers in a multicultural environment is to listen for what they do not expect to hear. Can you deal with new information that is beyond the range of your normal common sense assumptions? (Example: markets where advertising is a new concept and “customers” have not normally been seen as important.) 4. Observation In certain cultural contexts what is not said is more important than the literal content of the discussion. (Examples: forms of dress, subtle gestures, the rich shades and flavors of silence.) 5. Empathy Being able to sense and respond to the feelings of your foreign counterparts, while vitally important, can also be very difficult because the cues are unfamiliar. (Examples: the smile that could signal discomfort, or exaggerated emotional displays that are calculated to probe for concessions.) Caterpillar Spirit’s workshops, trainings and coaching programs provide valuable strategies, tips and support to manage the challenges mentioned above. If you're experiencing some of these challenges and looking for support, contact us to learn more. We look forward to hearing from you. When we first start working with a new coaching client, we spend time defining what coaching is and what it isn't. There is quite a bit of confusion out there. If you're unsure yourself, here a quick overview.
Coaching & Therapy – therapy focuses on feelings and experiences related to past events. Coaching focuses on the present and the future. Coaching encourages the client to move forward. A therapist normally works with dysfunctional people to get them to a functional state. Therapists works with individuals who need to become emotionally healthy. Therapists deal with past issues and how to overcome them. Coaching is where the client is right now, where they want to be next and how to get them there. It is important to know when a client needs therapy and not coaching. Coaching & Consulting – consulting and consultants tend to provide advice. The coach provides the space for the client to discover their own solution and their own answer. Coaches do not provide the answers. The client does; the coach guides them. A consultant is a specialist in one area and provides solutions. Coaches are not specialists in one area – they don’t need to be as they are not experts in finding the answer for the client – this is the work of the client. Coaching is a holistic approach. The coach has the questions that allow the client to find their own answers and clarify their values. Coaching & Counselor - A counselor provides information and expertise. The relationship is typically hierarchical – a parent /child for example. It is based on the past and focuses on fixing a problem. Coaching relationships are future based, action oriented and not hierarchical. The coach and client partner together. The coach and client walk side by side. Coaching & Mentoring - A mentee establishes a relationship with an expert in the field. Mentors are usually older and have more experienced and specialized in their field. It is more of a teacher / student relationship – learning takes place from the teacher to student. The student looks up to the mentor for information and guidance. Coaching is a partnership. Clients draw on their own wisdom and follow their own guidance to meet their goals. Learn more about our coaching programs here. Or send us a short note with your questions and interest. Three questions which are sometimes helpful *in the moment* in deciding if and how to move forward with a particular issue:
1. What?
2. So what?
3. Now what?
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